Friday, March 8, 2013

My name is Vanessa and I'm a Birthday Depressive

I'm a birthday depressive. Even as a little girl, the passing of a year has always struck a solemn tone with me. Even my golden birthday {turning nine on the 9th} was dampened by illness. There was an unfortunate medley of the flu and the ball pen at Chucky Cheese, no doubt the foundation of my one time debilitating OCD. On my 23rd birthday I cried because the Thai restaurant we went to was out of sticky rice and green tea ice cream {and you KNOW how I do NOT like to display emotion in public}. Birthdays make me melancholy, it's just part of my nature.

Tomorrow, I'll turn 30. It has weighed heavily on me this past week, a sense of dread clouding my view. I hate this part of me. I want to be the care-free girl who drops not too subtle hints about wanted gifts, or wears a tutu and a tiara with pride, I want to feel weightless and fancy and free. Most of all, I don't want Eli to take after me in this regard. I want him to feel JOY in the passing of time. I want him to stand steadfast in the conviction that every year is part of God's design and that every birthday a celebration of the life given to him from above.  

My incredible husband, knowing how I like to boycott my birthday, always does his best to make me feel special and loved. And tomorrow he has arranged for a gathering of loved ones at my favorite BBQ joint. I'm not sold on all the attention, but I am anticipating the brisket and I am very, very aware of how blessed I am to be surrounded by such wonderful, lovely people.

P.S. If you are suffering from BDD {Birthday Depressive Disorder- if the DSM can make shit up so can I} or are having a sad day in general, check out this blog. Instant hilarity. 
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